Live With Krieger And Mitsuko
by Red Witch
Summary: Krieger tries his hologram girlfriend as a co-host on his show.


**Mitsuko did something with the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Archer characters. Again. Just more madness from my tiny mind.**

 **Live With Krieger And Mitsuko**

"Hello!" Krieger waved to the camera in his lab. "Welcome once again to the third episode of Krieger's Korner! Today I'd like to introduce a very special guest co-host!"

"Ta-Da!" Mitsuko appeared with a flourish.

"This is my lovely girlfriend slash holographic assistant Mitsuko!" Krieger grinned.

"Basically, she's the only assistant Krieger ever had who **survived,** " Ray was heard off camera.

"You all know my producer Ray," Krieger grinned. "Pam and Cheryl aren't here today."

"Translation," Ray said as he appeared on camera. "We decided to do this one while those two were at a bar."

"We just thought we'd change up the format a little bit," Krieger said. "Don't want to fall into the same old pattern."

"That's what we do around here," Mitsuko rolled her eyes. "As soon as we get to one thing we **change things** around!"

"I like to think of it as being fresh and innovative," Krieger told her.

"I think of it as attention deficit disorder," Mitsuko remarked.

"Who are you?" Krieger asked. "My high school guidance counselor?"

"I can't believe you ever went to high school," Ray said.

"For a short period of time," Krieger admitted. "I was mostly lab schooled."

"You mean home schooled?" Ray asked.

"No," Mitsuko shook her head. "He means lab schooled."

"I don't think I want to know anymore," Ray winced.

"Trust me," Mitsuko folded her arms. "You don't."

"As the vivisectionist said, let's get to it!" Krieger waved. "We're going to have a fun experiment today for all you science geeks and freaks out there."

"Krieger-san," Mitsuko remarked. "I don't think you should do this one."

"Yeah, I'm kind of with her," Ray admitted. "I thought we agreed there would be no more explosives on your show."

"There's not going to be that much of an explosive," Krieger waved. "Don't worry!"

"When you say things like **that,"** Ray looked at him. " **That's** when I get worried."

"Welcome to my world," Mitsuko agreed.

"Okay today we are making rainbow colored foam," Krieger grinned as he motioned to the items on a lab desk. "All you need is some soap powder, some different colored dyes, some liquid nitroglycerin…"

"Wait what?" Ray did a double take. "What happened to simple water?"

"Too boring," Krieger waved. "And some new explosive powder I just made up the other day. I just wanted to see what it would do."

"I think I'm going to stand over **here** ," Ray pointed. "Behind this heavily armored blast door."

"Me too," Mitsuko agreed as she followed him.

"You're a hologram," Krieger blinked.

"WHICH SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING!" Mitsuko shouted off camera.

"All right let's get this party started!" Krieger grinned. "Oops! I almost forgot!"

He put on some safety goggles. "Remember! Safety first!"

"That's rich coming from **you** ," Mitsuko grumbled.

"Quiet game Mitsuko!" Krieger snapped.

"If you really want to be safe," Mitsuko went on. "You not do this experiment in the **first place!** "

"I said quiet!" Krieger snapped. "Now let's go back to the experiment, shall we? First we add the dye and the soap to the nitroglycerin and then add…."

KAAAAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Krieger was then revealed to be colored in some kind of burnt purple color all over his body. "Good thing you wore the **goggles**!" Mitsuko taunted.

"Don't start with me woman!" Krieger coughed as he removed the goggles. "Damn it! It's in my beard! I hate when that happens."

"I am not cleaning this up," Ray looked around as he and Mitsuko emerged. "Eww. It's not even rainbow colored. Even with my color blindness I can tell. It's all one kind of greyish color."

"More like a burnt purple," Mitsuko told him.

"I believe the color's name is puce," Krieger remarked.

"Oh, **that's** what puce looks like," Ray nodded. "Didn't know."

"I told you this would be a **bad idea!"** Mitsuko shouted. "But nooo! You didn't listen to me! You never listen to me!"

"If only **that** were true!" Krieger shouted.

"Why you always do these crazy experiments?" Mitsuko asked. "Why?"

"Well if I didn't do crazy experiments to amuse me," Krieger shouted. "You wouldn't even **be here** , would you?"

"Would it really matter to you if I was here?" Mitsuko asked.

"Just what does **that** mean?" Krieger asked.

"It means you no pay attention to me," Mitsuko frowned.

"Okay sometimes you use perfect English and then you use broken English," Krieger said. "Which is it woman? Pick a level!"

"I would wish if you want to choose if you want to be with me or not!" Mitsuko snapped. "I think you are threatened by me!"

"I'm threatened by **you?** " Krieger shouted. "Who do I look like? Archer?"

"That's cyborgs Krieger," Ray corrected. "Not holograms."

"Oh right," Krieger realized. "I forgot."

"I think you are intimidated by strong women," Mitsuko remarked. "You use your experiments…Such as they are to hide from them. This also feeds into your intimacy issues."

"What do **you** know about intimacy issues?" Krieger shouted. "Geeze, you connect a semi-sentient computerized light show to the infinite resources and knowledge of the Internet and suddenly she thinks she knows everything!"

"Uh…" Ray blinked. "Come again?"

"I haven't once…" Mitsuko began.

"Bap! Bap! Bap!" Krieger shouted.

"In months!" Mitsuko shouted.

"You just had to tell **everyone** didn't you?" Krieger groaned. "You haven't exactly been turning me on lately! Which makes me wish I could turn you off! Permanently!"

"I am growing as a person!" Mitsuko snapped. "But you are stifling my growth!"

"You're not growing!" Krieger snapped. "You're **updating**! There's a _difference!"_

"I should break this up," Ray looked at the camera. "But honestly this is more interesting than the experiment."

"Ya, difference is that I am **expanding my mind!"** Mitsuko snapped. "And I don't have to break the narcotics code to do it!"

"No, you are overwriting **your code** to adapt!" Krieger snapped. "Which I wrote!"

"Oh now I owe everything to you, do I?" Mitsuko threw up her hands.

"You do!" Krieger shouted. "Literally!"

"There you go **again!** " Mitsuko snapped. "Throwing that in my face!"

"Which I created!" Krieger added.

"You think Kelly Ripa has co-host problems?" Mitsuko shouted to the camera. "I am going to my dressing room!"

"That's just some storage space on my hard drive!" Krieger shouted.

"Maybe I go online and read Neil Degrasse Tyson's Twitter account some more?" Mitsuko taunted.

"YOU ARE SO FIRED FROM THIS SHOW!" Krieger shouted.

"I quit!" Mitsuko made a face and disappeared.

"OH YEAH?" Krieger shouted. "WELL I QUIT! KRIEGER OUT!" He stormed off.

"I bet Gelman never had to put up with **this** ," Ray groaned.


End file.
